What are boundaries anyway?
What Are Boundaries, Anyway?
Today I want to share with you something that feels especially relevant right now as we continue to enjoy the busy season of summer with all it's opportunities for social engagements and activities.... boundaries.
This is the time of year when we often find ourselves stretched thin, keeping up with "New Year's Resolutions", family obligations, events, back to work blues and juggling the never ending "to do" list. Not to mention the energy it takes to manage all these commitments as well as the expectations we place on ourselves along with the expectations we receive from others.
It’s overwhelming, isn’t it?
I know Kelly and I have both felt it. In fact, that’s exactly why we decided to have this conversation about boundaries during one of our recent podcast episodes. Have a listen to our brutally honest, yet insightful conversation here.
As we reflected on everything going on, personally, professionally, emotionally, we realised just how vital healthy boundaries are in helping us create space for ourselves amidst the chaos of daily life.
It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.
What is a boundary?
When I think of boundaries, I picture a line or a limit, something that defines what I am willing to accept and what I’m not.
These boundaries are not just about keeping things out, they’re also about protecting what’s within.
For me, boundaries extend to every aspect of my self/ being:
Physical boundaries (body)
Emotional boundaries (heart)
Energetic boundaries (soul)
Mental boundaries (mind)
But here’s the tricky part, how can you know when a boundary has been crossed if you don't know what YOUR boundaries are in the first place?
So many of us don’t take the time or create the physical space to truly sit with ourselves and ask important questions that help us to define what’s acceptable for ourselves.
Boundaries are about balance.
They help create safety and clarity in our relationships with others and, most importantly, with ourselves.
When we don’t have clear boundaries, it’s easy to lose ourselves and end up feeling drained and resentful. These feelings are warning signs that our personal life needs a bit of attention and we need to reflect inward in order to make outward changes that better serve our emotional, physical, spiritual and mental wellbeing.
If we view boundaries through this lens, we can clearly see that setting boundaries is a profound act of self love.
The Different Types of Boundaries:
Boundaries can look different for everyone, but here are a few examples to consider:
Physical Boundaries: Your personal space, your body.
Emotional Boundaries: Protecting your feelings and knowing when to step back.
Mental Boundaries: Deciding what you focus on and where you direct your thoughts.
Energetic Boundaries: How much of your time and energy you give to others, and how much you save for yourself.
Personal Boundaries: Invisible boundaries decided by you that tell others where they stop and where you begin.
Workplace Boundaries: This is where you set the tone for how you would like to be treated by the way you conduct yourself when engaging with colleagues.
Financial Boundaries: Your material/ financial boundaries which extend to your belongings, such as money, car or home.
I like to think of boundaries as a filter; they allow in what nourishes you and keep out what drains or harms you.
Certified Intervention professional Jeff Vanvonderen describes boundaries like this:
“Personal boundaries notify others that you have the right to have your own opinion, feel your own feelings, and protect the privacy of your own physical being.”
How Do You Know When a Boundary Has Been Crossed?
Sometimes, we don’t realise a boundary has been crossed until we’re triggered.
Have you ever had a strong reaction to something and thought, “Wow, that really hit a nerve”? That’s often your body’s way of telling you that a boundary has been violated.
For me, it starts with physical cues, tension in my chest, a knot in my stomach, or a sense of unease. Your body is wise, and it’s always trying to communicate with you. But we’re so busy that we don’t always listen.
One of the tools I’ve found helpful is the metaphor of the “pebble, rock, and boulder.” It starts with a small discomfort (the pebble), and if we ignore it, it grows into a larger issue (the rock) until eventually, we’re flattened by a boulder.
If we could just stop and pay attention to the pebble, we could save ourselves a lot of pain and energy.
Why Strong Boundaries Are a Declaration of Self-Love
Setting boundaries is not selfish; it’s one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. As Brené Brown says,
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
And let’s be honest, many of us are people pleasers. As women, we’re often taught to say yes to everything, to put everyone else first. But that can lead to burnout. Saying yes to everyone else often means saying no to ourselves, and that isn’t sustainable.
When we set boundaries, we’re telling ourselves and the world, “I matter. My needs matter.” It’s an act of self-respect and self-preservation.
How to Start Setting Healthy Boundaries:
Get Clear on What You Need: Take some time to reflect on what drains you and what energises you. Imagine your inner world as a garden—what needs nurturing, and what needs to be weeded out?
Practice Saying No: No is a complete sentence. It doesn’t need an elaborate explanation. For example, a friend of mine recently said, “Thank you for asking, but I just don’t have the capacity right now.” I found that so beautiful and honest.
Protect Your Energy: Visualise yourself in a “love bubble” at the start of the day—a protective energetic boundary that keeps you safe and centred as you move through your day.
You are the gardener of your inner world, what will you nurture today?
The Ripple Effect of Boundaries
Here’s the thing; when you honour your boundaries, you’re not just helping yourself, you’re helping everyone around you. When you show up as your best, most authentic self, that energy flows to your family, friends, and community.
As a mum, I know how easy it is to prioritise everyone else. But I’ve learned that when I take time for myself, whether it’s 15 minutes of yoga, a walk in the garden, or journaling, I’m a better mum, better wife, a better friend, a better business partner to Kelly.
Boundaries allow us to show up fully as our true selves in the spaces that matter most.
The Courage to Honour Your Boundaries
I know it’s not easy to set boundaries. It can feel uncomfortable, even scary, especially if you’re worried about disappointing others. But as Paolo Coelho says, “When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.”
And if you’re new to setting boundaries, be kind to yourself. Start small. Maybe it’s saying no to one thing this week or carving out 10 minutes of quiet time for yourself each morning.
Join Us!
If this resonates with you, I encourage you to take one small step towards honouring your boundaries this week. And if you’re looking for support on your journey, consider joining our Daring Heart community or listening to our full podcast episode on boundaries.
Our Daring Heart Course is designed to help women reconnect with their mind, body, heart, and soul. It’s about discovering who you are and creating space for what truly matters.
Until next time, from my heart to yours,
Big love,
Anna xx
